Sleep Training and Attachment Parenting

*Sleep Training is NOT recommended under the age of 4 Months. There are sleep habits that can be introduced from birth to support healthy sleep habits - see Newborn Guide.

In the world of parenting, sleep training often stands out as a challenging and debated topic. As a gentle sleep consultant, my approach centres around fostering connection and attachment, recognising the profound impact it has on both the child and the parent. Let's explore why prioritising connection during sleep training is not only beneficial but essential for the well-being of your little one.

Understanding Sleep Training:

Sleep training is commonly associated with methods that encourage babies to learn how to fall asleep independently and self-soothe. Sleep training also gets a bad rap and many believe sleep consultants push parents into leaving their children to cry themselves to sleep, for many hours. This is not the case for any trained/qualified sleep consultant. It is important to be mindful that there is no technique out there that can eliminate crying when we change our little one’s sleep habits. It is inevitable they will protest and get upset in some form. However, it is out ability to respond to their needs, communication and behaviours that makes the way we make sleep training work for our own parenting philosophy. As an attachment parent, I know the feeling of wanting to make my own daughter feel secure and strong in our relationship. However, that does not mean I need to pander to every request and make unreasonable and unhealthy choices for myself in the process. We need to understand that sleep training will establish healthy sleep patterns and habits in a way that supports our children, and allows them to feel safe and secure. Sleep training focuses on nurturing the parent-child bond throughout the process, creating a secure foundation for emotional development, while making good sleep habits a priority.

Connection as a Fundamental Human Need:

Humans are inherently social beings, and babies, in particular, thrive on connection. Attachment theory emphasises the significance of forming strong emotional bonds early in life. During sleep training, maintaining a sense of connection reassures the child that they are safe and loved, fostering a secure attachment that can positively influence their overall emotional well-being. It is the parents choice whether they leave the room or not, both methods are effective in their own way. We can still have a connection with our child as they work out how to fall asleep independently with us in the room. This is an important connection to make. This could look like our baby lying in their cot, softly crying while we are in the room using our words or a soft hand on their back to help them fall asleep without being rocked or fed.

Embracing Responsive Parenting:

Sleep training encourages responsive parenting, where caregivers attentively respond to their baby's needs. This doesn't mean abandoning sleep training altogether but rather adapting methods to accommodate the child's emotional needs. By remaining attuned to your baby's cues and offering comfort when necessary, you build trust and reinforce the understanding that your child's feelings are valid.

Promoting Self-Soothing with Compassion:

While the ultimate goal of sleep training is to help babies learn to self-soothe, the journey need not be devoid of warmth and compassion. Sleep training acknowledges the importance of gradually teaching self-soothing skills while maintaining a supportive presence. This balanced approach ensures that the child feels secure and capable, promoting a positive association with bedtime. This can be completely self paced. If it takes your baby 3 months to self settle, they still made it to their goal.

Enhancing Parental Confidence:

Connection-based sleep training doesn't just benefit the child; it also nurtures the parent-child relationship. Feeling connected to your baby during sleep training builds confidence and strengthens your ability to respond to their needs. This empowerment creates a positive cycle, enhancing your parenting skills and fostering a harmonious family dynamic.

Realising the Long-Term Impact:

The connections formed during sleep training extend beyond the early years. By prioritising attachment, you lay the groundwork for a strong parent-child relationship that can influence various aspects of your child's development. A secure attachment fosters emotional resilience, empathy, and a healthy sense of self, setting the stage for positive relationships throughout life.

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In the world of sleep training, the gentle approach prioritises connection, recognising it as the cornerstone of healthy emotional development. By embracing responsiveness, compassion, and the importance of secure attachments, we can create a bedtime routine that not only promotes sound sleep but also strengthens the enduring bond between parent and child. Ultimately, a well-rested family is one that is connected, secure, and ready to face the joys and challenges of each new day together.